Hard Decisions and Changes in Perspectives

This morning it is cool, but not cold for the last day in February.  It is actually a leap year and today is February 28th... Leap Day! 

The sun is up and shining, the critters are all awake and going about the day.  The ducks and geese are swimming on the pond and occasionally a new group of geese arrive with everyone announcing their arrival.  The roosters are crowing and chatting back and forth with the the neighbor's roosters.  Occasionally, you can hear our turkey girls yelping or "Timmy" gobbling.  There are Eastern Phoebes flying back and forth to a nest on the light on the porch. They are preparing the nest for this years season. The farm is awake and our day has started.

Feeding time!

"Cedar"  Wood Duck - Rehabbed at Izzie's Pond and released at The Old Five Notch Farm

"Angel" and "Cedar"  Both rehabbed at Izzie's Pond and released at The Old Five Notch Farm last summer

I am "up" and have seen my farmer man off to his "real" job. You know, the one that allows us to have our little Hobby Farm!  I am so grateful for my farmer man and his willingness to work so hard all week at his "real" job and then comes home and spends evenings and weekends working here on the farm.  Since I have been down so much has fallen on him and I am so grateful for his broad shoulders that are carrying everything.

I told him the other day, "We need to have a discussion and make some decisions."  He looked a little worried and sat down so we could talk.  We talked about the fact that I am down and will be for at least another ten weeks.  Four weeks until surgery and six weeks or so until I am able to drive and function a little.  It will take three to six months for me to really heal and twelve to eighteen months for the bone grafts to totally heal.  Needless to say, I am going to do EVERYTHING  am told to do to make sure this surgery works. 

Anyhow, we had some decisions to make as far as what we were going to tackle this Spring.  I had started, with the help of "our" sweet Jessica, some pepper and tomato seeds in the greenhouse and had planned out the whole Spring/Summer garden on www.zukeeni.com.  I really like the free site and the ability to lay out all the gardens, plants and get email reminders of what needs to be done that week.  Well, after a couple of bad back days and not getting out to the greenhouse to check on the seedlings, I went out to find that some had died due to not being watered.  It is heartbreaking to see new sprouts withered and soil dried out, but honestly, with my back being so bad I didn't even think about them or I would have had my farmer man water them.

We discussed the surgery time frame and decided that it would be best not to put in a Spring/Summer garden this year.  This is a hard decision for both of us.  I LOVE to garden!  Seeing the vegetables growing and harvesting them and taking them directly to our kitchen to prepare a meal just makes me happy. It's just not possible this year as it's just too much that would all fall on my farmer man.  My sweet farmer man was worried about my mental state of not being able to do the gardens.  I had already come to terms that there is only so much I can do and so much I can ask or expect my farmer man to do.  It would be different if he didn't work off the farm, but he does so we can have the farm. So we are not doing a Spring/Summer garden and that's ok.  It is just one season.

As a compromise, I am going to order the medicinal herb seeds that I have been wanting and after the surgery, when I am able, I am going to start some seeds.  We discussed the herb garden and decided that we could handle that much!  I will put some plants in the herb garden and some in pots on the back porch.  I will be able to water and look after these with the help of my farmer man.  He will have to plant as I will not be able to bend for six weeks after surgery, but I can stand and water.  This makes my heart happy and satisfies my need to garden.

The next subject we discussed was hatching.  We usually start hatching guinea keets and Golden Laced Wyandottes the first of April.  That means we set Guinea eggs just as soon as they start laying in mid to end of March and we set chicken eggs first of March.  I wasn't sure we could handle incubating, hatching, brooding and selling these babies, but my farmer man says we can do it!  He enjoys the whole process and most of the time people come on the weekends to pick up chicks and keets so he would be here to handle the sale.  This also makes my heart happy!  I LOVE the hatching season and really hated the idea of not hatching this year.  We meet some of the nicely farm folks through this season and I so enjoy learning about their farms and sharing ideas.  We will be starting a bit late this year, due to the surgery and not wanting our farm sitter to worry about hatching babies or brooding babies, BUT we are still hatching.

The start of our hatching season!  A Golden Laced Wyandotte egg

 Even though he have had to make some hard decisions it gave us time to talk about what we both wanted to do and what we both though we could handle given the circumstances.  It was a good thing.

Through all of this I have tried to keep a good attitude, but some days are harder than others and to be honest, I have some major meltdowns....It wasn't pretty, but it was where I was.  I was focusing too much on what I couldn't do and how things used to be instead of being grateful for what I COULD do.  The biggest thing I have learned is I am still valuable even though I can't physically do much right now.  I have tried to change my perspective and focus on the things I still CAN do verses the things I CAN'T do and this has helped me mental status greatly.  I am blessed that we have some answers and now a plan to "fix" my back so that has really helped....there is an end in sight! Do I still have days that I get down and have issues....sure I do, but I try to refocus and return back to the positive things I CAN do.

I CAN still get up with my farmer man and make his lunch and breakfast and see him off to work

I CAN still take care of the inside animals feeding and medicating....although I won't be able to do that after the surgery due to the bending, I CAN do it for now.

I CAN still take care of these sweet, orphaned baby squirrels.  "The Bonanza Bunch".  I am able to care for them, feed them and even get up at 3 am for the early morning feedings.

"Ms. Cartwright" and "Hoss" <3

 I CAN do the laundry, no lifting the baskets or hampers, but I can wash, dry and put away the clothes.

On good days, I CAN walk down to the barn and pond and check on the flock and just enjoy God's creation.

I CAN make forty, crocheted granny squares for a charity that is making blankets for our veterans home.

Just the start of the squares!

On good days, I CAN cook supper, and on bad days we have been blessed with meals from friends and family or my farmer makes us supper.  I may have to sit on the couch instead of the dinning room chairs, but we still CAN have a meal together.

I CAN chat with friends and family and keep up with their lives and be in prayer for their needs and concerns. 

I CAN work on my Bible Study and use this down time to dig deeper into God's Word.

I CAN work on small projects I have been wanting to get to for our Etsy store. Visit The Old Five Notch Farm Etsy Shop

Available at our Etsy store!

I CAN be here for my farmer man when he comes home and needs to just sit and unwind.  Whether it is just knowing I am here for him, snuggling up and discussing our days or allowing him time to just unwind with a video game or a nap before supper.

 I CAN still make a difference! I AM still valuable!  I STILL have a purpose!

Maybe things aren't like they were and I can't do somethings, but I am determined to do what I can where I am now.

It has made me realize that MANY people are dealing with illness or injury and they make look ok on the outside, but inside they may in serious pain.....Physical pain or even emotional pain.  Chronic pain can really take a toll on your mental self.  This had made me much for aware of just how many people deal with this on a daily basis and I have real compassion for them going through it myself now.

It also reminds me that we all go through "seasons" in our lives.  In Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 it says:

Sometimes we don't know why we are going through things, but sometimes it is not ours to know why.  Our job is to figure out WHAT we are to learn not WHY things are the way they are.  It is during these difficult times we learn the most about ourselves. We can grow and through our experience and what we learn we can share with others.

So as I go through this "season" I am really striving to learn from it.  I have learned more patience, more appreciation for the help of others, more empathy for those with chronic pain, I have learned that I still have value and purpose even if I can't do what I used to do and that God values me no matter what, I am learning to trust...trust God has a plan, trust God has my in His hands as we go forward with surgery, trust that God has my sweet farmer man in His hands, I have learned the importance of friends and family, I have learned to be more humble and accept help, and  I am reminded daily how blessed I really am.

I hope that whatever "season" you are in that you will take the time to learn from the "season" and use your new knowledge to help someone else.  There is no better help than having someone else say, "I have been where you are" and sharing your experience and encouraging that person that it IS just a "season", there is a purpose for it all and you WILL come through the "season" ok.  It is just up to you if you come through the "season" the same person or if you come through the "season" a better, more fulfilled, more enlightened person....the choice is yours.  You can be better or you can be bitter... I choose to be better.