Hard Decisions and Changes in Perspectives

This morning it is cool, but not cold for the last day in February.  It is actually a leap year and today is February 28th... Leap Day! 

The sun is up and shining, the critters are all awake and going about the day.  The ducks and geese are swimming on the pond and occasionally a new group of geese arrive with everyone announcing their arrival.  The roosters are crowing and chatting back and forth with the the neighbor's roosters.  Occasionally, you can hear our turkey girls yelping or "Timmy" gobbling.  There are Eastern Phoebes flying back and forth to a nest on the light on the porch. They are preparing the nest for this years season. The farm is awake and our day has started.

Feeding time!

"Cedar"  Wood Duck - Rehabbed at Izzie's Pond and released at The Old Five Notch Farm

"Angel" and "Cedar"  Both rehabbed at Izzie's Pond and released at The Old Five Notch Farm last summer

I am "up" and have seen my farmer man off to his "real" job. You know, the one that allows us to have our little Hobby Farm!  I am so grateful for my farmer man and his willingness to work so hard all week at his "real" job and then comes home and spends evenings and weekends working here on the farm.  Since I have been down so much has fallen on him and I am so grateful for his broad shoulders that are carrying everything.

I told him the other day, "We need to have a discussion and make some decisions."  He looked a little worried and sat down so we could talk.  We talked about the fact that I am down and will be for at least another ten weeks.  Four weeks until surgery and six weeks or so until I am able to drive and function a little.  It will take three to six months for me to really heal and twelve to eighteen months for the bone grafts to totally heal.  Needless to say, I am going to do EVERYTHING  am told to do to make sure this surgery works. 

Anyhow, we had some decisions to make as far as what we were going to tackle this Spring.  I had started, with the help of "our" sweet Jessica, some pepper and tomato seeds in the greenhouse and had planned out the whole Spring/Summer garden on www.zukeeni.com.  I really like the free site and the ability to lay out all the gardens, plants and get email reminders of what needs to be done that week.  Well, after a couple of bad back days and not getting out to the greenhouse to check on the seedlings, I went out to find that some had died due to not being watered.  It is heartbreaking to see new sprouts withered and soil dried out, but honestly, with my back being so bad I didn't even think about them or I would have had my farmer man water them.

We discussed the surgery time frame and decided that it would be best not to put in a Spring/Summer garden this year.  This is a hard decision for both of us.  I LOVE to garden!  Seeing the vegetables growing and harvesting them and taking them directly to our kitchen to prepare a meal just makes me happy. It's just not possible this year as it's just too much that would all fall on my farmer man.  My sweet farmer man was worried about my mental state of not being able to do the gardens.  I had already come to terms that there is only so much I can do and so much I can ask or expect my farmer man to do.  It would be different if he didn't work off the farm, but he does so we can have the farm. So we are not doing a Spring/Summer garden and that's ok.  It is just one season.

As a compromise, I am going to order the medicinal herb seeds that I have been wanting and after the surgery, when I am able, I am going to start some seeds.  We discussed the herb garden and decided that we could handle that much!  I will put some plants in the herb garden and some in pots on the back porch.  I will be able to water and look after these with the help of my farmer man.  He will have to plant as I will not be able to bend for six weeks after surgery, but I can stand and water.  This makes my heart happy and satisfies my need to garden.

The next subject we discussed was hatching.  We usually start hatching guinea keets and Golden Laced Wyandottes the first of April.  That means we set Guinea eggs just as soon as they start laying in mid to end of March and we set chicken eggs first of March.  I wasn't sure we could handle incubating, hatching, brooding and selling these babies, but my farmer man says we can do it!  He enjoys the whole process and most of the time people come on the weekends to pick up chicks and keets so he would be here to handle the sale.  This also makes my heart happy!  I LOVE the hatching season and really hated the idea of not hatching this year.  We meet some of the nicely farm folks through this season and I so enjoy learning about their farms and sharing ideas.  We will be starting a bit late this year, due to the surgery and not wanting our farm sitter to worry about hatching babies or brooding babies, BUT we are still hatching.

The start of our hatching season!  A Golden Laced Wyandotte egg

 Even though he have had to make some hard decisions it gave us time to talk about what we both wanted to do and what we both though we could handle given the circumstances.  It was a good thing.

Through all of this I have tried to keep a good attitude, but some days are harder than others and to be honest, I have some major meltdowns....It wasn't pretty, but it was where I was.  I was focusing too much on what I couldn't do and how things used to be instead of being grateful for what I COULD do.  The biggest thing I have learned is I am still valuable even though I can't physically do much right now.  I have tried to change my perspective and focus on the things I still CAN do verses the things I CAN'T do and this has helped me mental status greatly.  I am blessed that we have some answers and now a plan to "fix" my back so that has really helped....there is an end in sight! Do I still have days that I get down and have issues....sure I do, but I try to refocus and return back to the positive things I CAN do.

I CAN still get up with my farmer man and make his lunch and breakfast and see him off to work

I CAN still take care of the inside animals feeding and medicating....although I won't be able to do that after the surgery due to the bending, I CAN do it for now.

I CAN still take care of these sweet, orphaned baby squirrels.  "The Bonanza Bunch".  I am able to care for them, feed them and even get up at 3 am for the early morning feedings.

"Ms. Cartwright" and "Hoss" <3

 I CAN do the laundry, no lifting the baskets or hampers, but I can wash, dry and put away the clothes.

On good days, I CAN walk down to the barn and pond and check on the flock and just enjoy God's creation.

I CAN make forty, crocheted granny squares for a charity that is making blankets for our veterans home.

Just the start of the squares!

On good days, I CAN cook supper, and on bad days we have been blessed with meals from friends and family or my farmer makes us supper.  I may have to sit on the couch instead of the dinning room chairs, but we still CAN have a meal together.

I CAN chat with friends and family and keep up with their lives and be in prayer for their needs and concerns. 

I CAN work on my Bible Study and use this down time to dig deeper into God's Word.

I CAN work on small projects I have been wanting to get to for our Etsy store. Visit The Old Five Notch Farm Etsy Shop

Available at our Etsy store!

I CAN be here for my farmer man when he comes home and needs to just sit and unwind.  Whether it is just knowing I am here for him, snuggling up and discussing our days or allowing him time to just unwind with a video game or a nap before supper.

 I CAN still make a difference! I AM still valuable!  I STILL have a purpose!

Maybe things aren't like they were and I can't do somethings, but I am determined to do what I can where I am now.

It has made me realize that MANY people are dealing with illness or injury and they make look ok on the outside, but inside they may in serious pain.....Physical pain or even emotional pain.  Chronic pain can really take a toll on your mental self.  This had made me much for aware of just how many people deal with this on a daily basis and I have real compassion for them going through it myself now.

It also reminds me that we all go through "seasons" in our lives.  In Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 it says:

Sometimes we don't know why we are going through things, but sometimes it is not ours to know why.  Our job is to figure out WHAT we are to learn not WHY things are the way they are.  It is during these difficult times we learn the most about ourselves. We can grow and through our experience and what we learn we can share with others.

So as I go through this "season" I am really striving to learn from it.  I have learned more patience, more appreciation for the help of others, more empathy for those with chronic pain, I have learned that I still have value and purpose even if I can't do what I used to do and that God values me no matter what, I am learning to trust...trust God has a plan, trust God has my in His hands as we go forward with surgery, trust that God has my sweet farmer man in His hands, I have learned the importance of friends and family, I have learned to be more humble and accept help, and  I am reminded daily how blessed I really am.

I hope that whatever "season" you are in that you will take the time to learn from the "season" and use your new knowledge to help someone else.  There is no better help than having someone else say, "I have been where you are" and sharing your experience and encouraging that person that it IS just a "season", there is a purpose for it all and you WILL come through the "season" ok.  It is just up to you if you come through the "season" the same person or if you come through the "season" a better, more fulfilled, more enlightened person....the choice is yours.  You can be better or you can be bitter... I choose to be better.

A Back Update...WARNING! Another Rather Long One ;-)

My herniated L5-S1 disc as of December 2015

 Well....this post finds me still stuck lying on the couch most of the day, just like the last three months.  Since my last update on December 29th we went to see a neurosurgeon who, quite frankly, took two minutes to say he had reviewed my MRI's, did a couple strength tests, and told me "no insurance company would pay for a procedure and I would have to see about pain management" and sent me for xrays to make sure there wasn't any instability in my spine telling me he would call if there were any issues and walked out leaving me heart broken, feeling hopeless and in tears.

After the xrays we went to check out and found that the soonest pain management appointment was February 10th.... 6 weeks from that day. SIX WEEKS with having to endure endless, debilitating pain.  Needless to say, I was devastated!  We drove home and I contacted Jeremy, our PA at Dr. Webb, my chiropractors office.  He saw us the next day and determined I could not stay in this kind of pain and he prescribed Tramadol for the pain, in hopes it would help until he could see about getting me into a different pain management doctor.  I went home with renewed hopes that I could soon get some relief.

Tramadol ....that was interesting!   I took the first pill and felt really off.  I tried to help my farmer man with one of our roos who had an injured foot.  I was sitting on a stool helping hold "Rudy" when Scott looked at me an asked, "Are you ok?"  I was not and I told him I didn't feel right.  He took
"Rudy" out to his pen on the porch and came back to me. I told him just put me on the floor because I felt myself blacking out.  He CARRIED me to the couch were I promptly passed out. I remember feeling floppy when he put me on the couch and then nothing.  Apparently, I looked like a ghost.  He said I was completely pale and even my lips were white. I came back around and we figured my blood pressure had dropped, it runs low to begin with.

Well poop!  That pain med wasn't going to work.  I called my sister in love, Ginger, she is a Pharmacist, to ask if we could half or quarter the Tramadol. We got the go ahead and tried a quarter. Well, I didn't pass out, but came close.  Tramadol is a no go for me. Back to Ibuprofen and Naproxen and just rest.

Jeremy came through for us!  We had an appointment schedule for January 11th for Dr. Epter at Augusta Pain Center.  I was thrilled!

I muttled through until the appointment and we really liked Dr. Epter's PA Troy, but Dr. Epter seemed to get his feathers ruffled when I asked some questions and really got ruffled when I said my brother in law, a nurse anesthetist, had looked at the MRI as well and had an opinion.  Oh well, as long as he does a good job I'll be happy!

We decided that some steroid epidural injections might be the way to manage the pain since no one would address the actual injury.  I was disheartened a bit, since they said that they have to treat the radiculopathy aka leg pain first because that was what the insurance dictated.  Really?  Why not treat the bad disc in the back that is CAUSING the leg pain?  Once again insurance companies are dictating our care! We make the appointment for the first injections - a transforminal epidural steroid injections in two weeks.

I will admit...I was quit freaked out over the idea of needles being injected into my back....all with NO anesthetic and unfortunately, I cannot take the "take the edge off" Valium type meds so it was all me.

The day of the first procedure I prayed, knowing many others were praying for me, applied lavender to my sternum (supposed to be an anti anxiety pressure point and lavender is very relaxing) and remembered to just breathe. The procedure went very well!  It hurt a little on one side and a little more on the left, but it wasn't unbearable! Yea! AND the best part was my pain was greatly reduced for 36 hours after the procedure!  I was thrilled!  I understood that it was just a diagnostic procedure and that the injection and relief was only temporary. I was ready for the next injections in two weeks and more relief- selective root nerve blocks on both sides.

The two weeks finally passed and I was much less nervous about the procedure to be done as we went for the second set diagnostic injections. Well....I was mistaken.  These injections REALLY hurt!  I don't know if some other factors played in like...... the fact there were two machine representatives in the procedure room who were there discussing issues with the RF Ablasion machine which made it hard for me to relax and focus prior to the procedure, or the fact that they STAYED during my procedure and discussed the procedure as I was going through it (I was not asked if it was ok if they stay either) or the fact that I felt Dr. Epter rushed the procedure as I was NOT numb on either side when he started or finished, but it was really bad.  When I sat up to get off the table I was shaking uncontrollably and apparently I looked bad because one of the nurses asked me if I can was ok.  I managed to get off the table and as I was walked to the recovery area the head nurse said "What in the world did they do to you?  You didn't look like that when they took you from me?"  She was awesome and quickly had the other nurse hook me up to the blood pressure/pulse oxygen machines and send the other nurse to get me some apple juice.  Scott was allowed in about ten minutes and his first reaction was are you ok?  You don't look ok? So apparently I really did look bad! After a period of time the shaking slowed and I was allowed to leave. I felt really bad!

We left the center to go get a bit of dinner and I had pain reduction for about and hour. I was sure hoping for much more!  I felt sick on the way home and fell asleep during the car ride.  When we got home I went straight to bed and slept for two hours.  When I got up I still had noodle legs from the procedure and needed help walking.  I was up for awhile and then started shaking again.  Some hot tea and raisin toast with sunbutter and things eased up.

The next few days were really tough!  The injection sites really hurt, so much more than the first time, and my back and legs were worse than ever.  I managed to deal with it for 5 days until it was just too much. Scott ended up coming home early from work due to the fact I was totally down and in terrible pain. We called the pain center and had to leave a message and called Jeremy at Action Medical too.  Jeremy called back first and Scott talked with him about how things were going.  He was very concerned and said he was going to find us another surgeon to see as he felt my quality of life was so poor that I really needed someone to take care of the disc issues and get me back up.  The pain center called later in the day and we had an appointment the next morning to see about what we could do.

We met with Troy at the pain management center and he said that this kind of pain increase was normal.....REALLY?? and that the little bit of pain relief I had gotten was also a good sign that they were in the right area.  He went on to say that if I went ahead with the ablation at the L5-S1 area and it didn't fix all of the pain then they would start moving up!  WHAT??  He said we have choices whether to continue or not....or what?  Just be in pain??  I was so upset and disheartened. I told him if we did move forward they were going to have to find something I could take before the next procedure. He did give us a prescription for Toradol for pain and Gabapentin for nerve pain.  We left there feeling lost and unsure what to do next. Luckily for us, Jeremy had come through.....we had an appointment at a surgeons THE NEXT DAY!

You have to understand that normally it is 3 to 4 WEEKS to get in to see this surgeon!  Jeremy knows him personally and called him and to explain my case and the extent that we had already gone through with not really any results and ask that I be seen immediately.  Jeremy rocks in my eyes!

We met with Dr. Justin Bundy and his PA, at Augusta Orthopedics and Sports Medicine Specialists last week.  We have answers and we have a plan to FIX the problem!!!  They really listened to us and even had xrays taken AND read immediately.  We found out that my L5-S1 vertebrae is now 6mm...it should be 14 mm!  THIS explains the back pain as well as the radiating leg pain!

Dr. Bundy said we have two choices...option 1) a microdisctecomy where they only remove the part of the disc that is protruding. A quick, easy day surgery and minimal recovery, but he said I would have recurrences and flair ups and would end up with additional surgeries or option 2) an Anterior Lumbar Interbody Fusion or ALIF....fusion, that scared me! He explained that they would go in from the front and remove the bad disc, insert a cage and transplant bone in the cage, and secure the two vertebrae with a plate and screws.It would require and overnight stay in the hospital and the recovery is 3 to 6 months and the bone would totally fuse in 12 to 18 months.  He said it is a once and done and he wouldn't expect to see me again for 20 plus years since the rest of my vertebrae look wonderful.

WOW!  A lot to digest, but we decided to go for the ALIF.  I will admit, I am THRILLED with the idea of one surgery and getting back up and going with minimal changes in my mobility.  I am not thrilled about the idea of a more invasive surgery, an overnight stay in the hospital and 3 to 6 month of recovery, but it is what we need to do to get me off this couch so we are going to do it! My farmer man is more concerned about the general anesthesia risk...I have major issues with anesthesia and have a very hard time waking up.  I tend to crash.  I too am concerned about this, but I think if we talk with the anesthesiologist prior to the procedure and explain my issues I will be ok.

So for now we have an appointment with the vascular surgeon mid March and are waiting on the actual surgery date which, from the looks of it will be 4 weeks or so out, but definitely after the vascular surgeon appointment.

In the meantime, I will be doing all I can to be as healthy as possible for the surgery .....eating well and doing what exercises I can while horizontal to keep my muscles in the best shape I can. I had to stop taking the Toradol because you can only take it for 5 days because of the damage it can do to your kidneys so I am back on Naproxen for pain and Gabepentin for the nerve pain and hoping they work well enough to get me through. Today is the first day off the Toradol and I have to say I don't miss the stoned feeling and so far the pain is tolerable.

Just an update for those who want to keep up with me!  The next post will actually be about some happenings here on the farm....it goes on with or without me!

Introducing.....The Old Five Notch Farm's "You Have Just Exceeded Your Maximum"

This is a little story about our latest addition...... "Max"!

Max is now 12 weeks old and thinks he is old enough to help Dad play video games!

My sister and my nephew had been keeping any eye on a feral cat in the neighborhood.  She decided to have her kittens in the neighbors shed so they kept and eye on her and the kittens.  The neighbor noticed that Mama Cat had been moving her little kittens from the shed so Gideon, my nephew, went to see if they had all indeed been moved. When he checked on the litter there was only one little grey kitten still remaining on the shelf where Mama Cat had delivered them.  He talked with the neighbor and she said she had not seen Mama Cat at all that day.  Gideon did the right thing and left the little kitten to see if Mama Cat would come back to retrieve him.

The next morning, Gideon went to the shed to check on the little guy and did not find him on the shelf, but on the cold, dirt floor!  He was chilled and it was apparent that his mom had not come back for him.  Gideon scooped him up and took him home to warm him up and start re-hydrating him.  My sister contacted the humane society to see if they had a nursing mother that could take him, but she did not talk to anyone there she had to leave a message....and it was the weekend!  She posted a picture of the little fellow on Facebook asking for anyone who had a mama cat that was nursing or anyone who would take on a this little guy and bottle feed him.

This is where my farmer man comes in!  You see, we have had an agreement....No More Inside Animals.  We have four aging dogs...two Boykin Spaniels, Addie age 11, Twist almost 16, a Yorkshire Terrier, Brianna, age 11, A Highway 23 Special aka Mutt, Oliver approximate age 11, and one cat, a Siamese, MeiMei approximately 11 years old. Two of the dogs are epileptic and have severe food allergies, and three of the dogs are on arthritis medication.  With aging animals come ailments and more veterinary bills too. Plus, we would like tp travel a little bit and it requires someone staying in our home to take care of the inside animals and the outside animals as well. So.....we agreed, no more inside animals until these are gone and then we would consider what we would like to do.

So....imagine my surprise when he comes to me asking if I want a bottle kitten to take care of!  He showed me the picture my sister posted and asked me again...don't you want to a kitten to bottle feed?  I laughed at him and reminded him of our agreement.  He said well it's been 3 1/2 years and we had to break it sometime!  Needless to say, we called my sister and she said she was going to bring him either way as they were supposed to be coming over for a family dinner and he would have to be fed every three hours or so.

When my sister arrived with this little fellow....well it was all over! He wasn't leaving The Old Five Notch Farm.

We were all set to feed this little guy and help raise him.  We just needed a name.  At first he was named "Squirrel" because he made little squeaking noises just like the baby squirrels we had rehabbed, but it just didn't really fit him.

It was during one of the 3 a.m. feedings that his name hit me.  I was wondering what I had gotten myself into!  I had forgotten how time consuming it is to bottle feed babies and how much sleep you loose feeding a little one, human or animal!, every three hours around the clock.  We we in the middle of the early morning feeding when I thought to myself...we have just exceeded our maximum! Viola!  He was named The Old Five Notch Farm's "You Have Just Exceeded Your Maximum"....."Max".

I told my farmer man the next morning that he had been named.  He wasn't thrilled about the name at first, but it soon became apparent that this name fits this little guy.  He is like any toddler.....wide open or asleep, always curious about everything, everything is a toy and just full of life.  He tries our patience, make us laugh at his antics and keeps us on edge of our seats trying to keep him out of trouble.

Here's are some photos of "Max".  We estimate his birthday to be October 1, 2015 and he was approximately 10 days old when we got him. I hope you enjoy looking back and watching our Max grow....

First week we had Max...his eyes are just starting to open.

Max may be little, but he is figuring out quickly how to move!

That sweet little face <3

This sweet face....it what makes it ok to be up at 3 a.m.

Snuggle time is the best <3

Starting to learn how to play!

Oliver is so wonderful playing so gently with Max

My ears are standing up a little more each day!

Learning how to attack!  Grrrrr!

Over five weeks now but still wanting a morning bottle and a night time bottle. No more nighttime feedings though!

Max and His Mouse...his first toy! It is almost as big as he is!

Night time....nap time!

All wedged in between a pillow and the couch.....ahhhhh!

New scratching post, tunnel and toys!

We tried introducing him to wet food to no avail....guess who went straight to hard kitten chow!

Too cute!

Max still loves his mousey!

Max is grown so much since we first rescued him <3

Still learning how to play

Addie allowing Max to snuggle with her on the couch...wait! Addie what are you doing on the couch?!!

You can see just how much he has grown since he got this scratching post toy!

Just letting it all hang out ;-)

He love to wedge himself between you and couch!

Max knows who really loves him!

Max "helping" me make a scarf

One of Max's favorite toys!  My farmer man loves it because we can put a bunch of his toys in the box and declutter the floor!

First time outside on the porch railing!  He is learning to climb!

Just snoozin'

One of Max's favorite spots to nap

Max has a fascination with ice cubes and water. You have to give him some ice and water first thing in the morning....as he hangs on the fridge door waiting for it!

"The Rest of The Story"

Ok, so apparently you don't mind being my therapist? Well you are back to see how the story plays out so I know you are at least curious.  I'll try not to bore you with too many details!

So when I left off I was improving......Great right?  I thought so too....then we had a set back.

All of a sudden, severe pain, I can't bend, I can't lift....something was wrong.  Back to Dr. Webb and and MRI was ordered.  The MRI showed that I have two bulging discs that were irritating the nerve....that was the pain.  So, a round of steroids, and more rest....more time not being able to do what I needed to do here on the farm or off the farm.

During this time, I started doing some research for natural ways to heal the discs and combat the pain. I learn about a wonderful herb, Comfrey.  Doing research and talking with some friends who also knew about Comfrey, I decided to give it a try.  I ordered some dried, cut Comfrey and set out to make my own poultice with some arnica gel.  Armed with my new medicine and a supply of large bandages I started putting the comfrey poultices on my lower back....and guess what?  They really did help....a lot!  I told Dr. Webb of my findings and she was intrigued.  She said to continue with them and keep her posted as we continued working on my issues.  After a couple of weeks of off and on again use she said if it works we'll take it.

My back continued to improve, but there was still something not right.  My right leg, hip and lower back wouldn't let up.  It wasn't the same pain as the lower back injury something different.  Dr. Webb did some tests and found that I had also injured my Sacroiliac Joint aka SI Joint.  Great!!

So we now tried an SI belt to help support this little joint that only moved 4 cm, but can hurt like heck if it is inflamed.  That helped some, but didn't really fix the issue. So the next recommendation was to see a pain management doctor and see about an injection into the joint. Really??   I wasn't thrilled about this idea at all, but went ahead because I wanted all of this to be done.

Well......I did not have a good experience at the pain management doctor AT ALL. Unfortunately, this doctor did not need to be practicing medicine any longer.  You see, he is now disabled and has a hard time actually doing injections!!! Beyond that they did not have the correct instruments to do the procedure, but went ahead anyway....it wasn't good.  The really bad part is the injection did NOTHING....NADA...NIL...except make the pain worse for several days.  We contacted Dr. Webb and told her of the visit and we decided it would be best not to return to the pain management doctor.  We even went as far as trying to talk with the doctor about the botched procedure, sent a letter with our concerns and problems with our visits, etc....we were contacted by his office manager and rudely told we would receive a zero balance bill and hung up on us. That is not what we were trying to accomplish by our letter, but ok.  I am sure in his day his was a great doctor, but unfortunately, his physical disabilities, poor planning by staff, and just poor staff have made it dangerous, in my opinion, to be practicing medicine. In fact, in doing my research....after the fact....I learned that this type of injection SHOULD be guided by either ultrasound or fluoroscope as recommended by the AMA to help the doctor in the placement of the medication....neither of which was used. Studies have shown that an unguided SI Joint inject is less than 40% effective...wish I had known all of this before the visit.  Folks, do your research!

Anyhow, I went back to using the comfrey and just moved my poultices over to where the SI joint issues were and it worked better than any medicines I had been taking prior.  I did some more research on SI Joint issues and found some stretches specific for the SI joint injury.  These helped tremendously and as long as I do these several times a day it is manageable.

I have been plugging away doing all I was supposed to be doing and and had even gotten to the point where I could mow the field some without much discomfort!  I LOVE to mow the grass so this is a huge step as far as I am concerned. Let alone I hate having my farmer man having to do extra work around here after he gets home from his "real" job....the farm is my job!

All was working fairly well, with a couple to good weeks and just a few bad days here and there...until last month.  Last month something started changing.  I started having more days where I had to be careful what I was doing or I would hurt...hmmm....ok more rest and applying ice when needed, doing the stretching exercises religously. I got this!  Then my right knee started hurting, muscle hurt pain, and tightness.  I mentioned it to Dr. Webb and she said my back may be out and pulling on that leg. Ok, makes sense. Massage therapy was in order as well as muscle stimulation therapy.

I am blessed to have my son's girlfriend, who is a licensed massage therapist!  We scheduled a massage and it did improve! Yea!  In fact the next morning, while being attacked by a certain kitten, I sat straight up in bed only to have my lower back give out a loud CLUNK!  I was afraid to move at first...then the burning pain started. Oh My Goodness!  It was intense!  I took it easy that day and the next morning it seemed as if maybe, just maybe, that hug clunk was my back finally settling back to where it was supposed to be as things calmed down and it actually felt much better.  There was a little soreness like I had overworked muscles, but much improvement.

That was Sunday...by Tuesday evening....my pain levels were increasing and my right foot was going numb.  These are not good signs.  By Wednesday morning the pain levels were high.  I could not get comfortable and we made an appointment with Dr. Webb for that afternoon.  By the time we got in there it was all I could do to walk.  Some tests were performed and it was determined that I have major inflammation around the spinal cord once again.  Once again, steroids, rest and ice were the prescription with a revisit scheduled to see if there are any improvements.  They even prescribed pain meds this time because the pain was so severe. There is some question that I may have torn a few more fibers in the discs...not good news.  We won't know for sure unless we do an MRI.

That was last Tuesday, and I am still confined to either the couch or the bed.  Unfortunately, I do not tolerate pain meds well.  We tried the prescribed pain meds and the side effects were almost worse than the pain.  Severe stomach cramps, nausea, and passing out.....not a positive experience with pain meds once again. Even a quarter of a tablet produced the same effect. The good news is I am improving and the pain is lessening.  I can be upright for 15 minutes or so before the pain becomes severe enough I have to lie back down.

So, why all of this info?

Mainly, I think some times we all put our best out there and we don't keep it real.  Well folks, this is my real for right now. BUT there is still a lot of GOOD to find even with all of this mess going on.

My farmer man....I can't express how much this man means to me.  He is my helpmate, my support, my friend, my love, and my rock.  He has been so awesome through all of this.  He takes care of all the animals and me in the mornings, then works 9 hours a day off the farm at his "real" job, then comes home to take care off everyone here once again...including our "Rudy" who is battling another case of bumblefoot. This requires injections twice a day and soaking and flushing out the foot daily too.  He has been so supportive, so understanding and so patient through all of this.....especially when I have a melt down because I can't do anything. THIS man prepared a whole Thanksgiving Dinner for my family....that's love folks. He knew how important family is to me and he asked if I wanted to cancel and when I said no, he said ok, no problem, I got this. He did an awesome job. <3

I have some awesome family and friends that have been here ready and willing to pitch in and help out whenever and whatever we need. Anything from picking up something for us while they were in town, to coming over and helping out with chores.  I am blessed to have family and friends close by.

I have had plenty of time to just relax and think.  I know I had to refocus my thinking from what I CAN'T do to what I CAN do.  Now that the pain has subsided some and I can think clearly, I am taking this time to work on some projects for our Etsy store.  I had been saying that I couldn't find the time to try out some new items...well, guess what?  I have nothing but time now! lol

 I have this crazy, 8 week old kitten to keep me entertained! We bottle fed this little orphan and now he is helping me pass the day.  (My next post will be ALL about Max)

Even though I cannot tend to the animals, I can hear them through the opened doors and windows.  Our rescued ducks and geese swim up to the back porch and quack and honk back when I call to them.  I can at least see them from the house.  I managed an assisted trip to the Chicken Inn II yesterday evening and I cannot believe how much I miss seeing our big turkey girls, all our guineas and chickens too and this morning I could hear one of our Wood Ducks had returned to the pond.  That made me smile.

 You know, it is ironic.  My last post was about being overwhelmed with so much to do and still finding the blessings in it all....and I would give anything to have my back healed and be able to do ALL of those things now.  Maybe that is what this is all about...maybe I just needed a kick in the butt (or back!) to remind me of what a blessing it is to be able TO DO.  Lord knows, I am a doer and I have a hard time when I cannot do. I am learning to be content in just being...... Being happy, being content, being humble, being vulnerable, being....just being no matter what is or isn't going on around us.

I know healing will come, and I must be patient.  Please keep us all in your prayers as we move forward.  I am asking for answers and direction on how to proceed with this injury...it's been a year and I am sure ready for a cure!  I really would love to get back to being able to take care of everyone and everything here on the farm.  I miss it! But until then, I will just be....

Doctor visit soon so I will keep you posted.  Thanks for your notes of encouragement and prayers!

Back to regular, fun, photo filled farm stuff next post...."Introducing The Old Five Notch Farm's You Have Just Exceeded Your Maximum"

Has It Really Been THREE Months Since My Last Post???

Wow!  I have been meaning to post a blog update for some time....I just didn't realize it has been this long since I posted. I had to read through the last post from September 1st.....that's exactly what I needed right now. 

You see, I am flat on my back with a aggravating back injury and I am having a hard time mentally. I am not a person to sit (or lie) around while everyone else, mainly my farmer man, takes care of everything...including me.  Honestly, I decided to post to the blog today because writing is such therapy for me.....and I could use some therapy right now, so if you are game and don't mind me sharing....here goes....


Here's a little history on how I got here...this will probably be several posts as it is a year's worth of info!

Last November...November 7th to be exact...I was down in the barn working when my sweet farmer man calls me as he does every evening when he gets out of his "real" job.  We were chatting while I was working on a few things in the barn...nothing too exciting. Well....I attempted to step over some PVC pipe that was lying on the concrete floor of the barn....and I failed...miserably!  I managed to step ON the pipe, which rolled out from under my feet. I did my very best Charlie Brown kicking the football impression as his dear friend, Lucy, pulled the football away.  Landing flat on my back on the concrete and pipe, my cell phone flew out of my hand and across the barn hitting the barn floor.

Once I realized I was not dead, I could indeed breathe, I started moving body parts to see what was broken.  Head and neck...ok, arms ok, feet...they moved, legs...oh my gravy.....my back!  The pain was awful, but I also knew that I had to somehow get to my phone and get back in touch with my sweet husband to let him know I was indeed alive, injured, but alive so he wouldn't kill himself trying to get home to me.

I managed, some how, to get upright and get to my phone....it was dead.  I had to make my way to the charger...thank goodness we keep one in the barn, sit down and plug the thing in.  That was no easy feat since every step felt like my back would break in two. I made it though and slowly, and  carefully got myself into the rocking chair. Once a little charged I managed to call my farmer man back and tell him I was ok, I would be sitting in the rocking chair at the barn when he got home though.

When my farmer man got to the barn, and he saw I was ok, and I saw him I felt so bad for him not me!  He attempted to help me get into the truck and that was when I realized how painful the injury was. He was determined I needed to go to the hospital, but I was just as determined that I didn't need to go.  Everything worked, it just hurt like crap!  I convinced him to just get me to the house where I could get in a warm bath and soak as I was sure it was just bruised.

Well, he agreed to let me do my own thing for a week, but if at that time I wasn't feeling much better then I would have no choice but to go to the doctor. 

Fast forward a week later, November 14th.....I was at the doctors having x-rays. The x-rays showed no breaks or fractures so they just said it was bruised and rest and anti-inflammatories were the prescription.

I seemed to heal up pretty well and was able to assume my duties here on the farm as well as off the farm in just a few weeks after the fall. I thought ok, I got this, lesson learned, and very thankful for the healing.....until January.

January found me in terrible pain and having a hard time doing my regular chores here on the farm as well as off the farm. So with some convincing once again from my farmer man, I went to our chiropractor, Dr. Kathryn Webb taking my x-rays from November with me.  Just as soon as she popped the x-rays up on the lighted box you could clearly see where two different vertebrae were sitting funny, kinda tilted to the right...there wasn't much space between them...hmmm.

Dr. Webb showed me that these vertebrae were indeed misaligned and we started working on a plan to help my body realign them....

Throughout the next several months we worked with massage, spinal manipulation, electro shock muscle therapy, physical therapy, natural supplements of fish oil and tumeric, etc. and my back did improve!  I was so excited to see the improvement and was thrilled to be able to go back to work off the farm although I was limited on what I could and couldn't due....no lifting, no mowing of the grass, limited bending, but I was getting better. Yea!!!

Well...There is much more to the story and I'm afraid if I continue I will be liable for your falling asleep at your computer so I'll save "the rest of the story" for another post...or two.

For now, I am resting somewhat comfortably, and trying to be patient while this latest back flare up does it's thing. I am looking forward to getting back up and at 'em and sharing the daily happenings of our farm soon!

Thanks for listening and being my therapist....I'll be looking for your bill in the mail ;-)

Ever Have Days When You Ask Yourself.....Why are We Doing All of This?

I have to be honest.  I am sure I am like most people out there....we post the positive stuff going on in our lives and on our farms, but hesitate to post the other stuff.  You know the stuff...the injured animals, the sick animals, the struggles in the garden with pests, the disagreement with your farmer man/woman, the stress of everyday life, etc.

Well, today I am going to share something I normally wouldn't share.  This past few weeks have been hard.  We have had a lot going on both on and off the farm and the stress levels have been through the roof. We haven't had a break from the farm in quite sometime and it is beginning to show. I even had moments when I really questioned, "Why are we doing all of this?"

Here are some of the questions I pondered this past week. Why are we spending our time, money and effort planting and tending to an organic garden? Why are we raising chickens and guineas?  Why do we have pet turkeys? Why do we have "pet"  rescued, rehabbed and released wild geese and ducks? Why do I stay home most everyday and work here on the farm?  Why all of this work...for what?

As the week went on I prayed a lot and asked for answers that we are doing what we are supposed to be doing.

One morning, as I was walking to the field and coop to tend to the critters I stopped in my tracks.....there was a squirrel crossing the driveway.....nothing unusual out here, but it was.  She was carrying something in her mouth....a pine cone? No. It was smooth. Upon further observation I realized she was carrying her baby!  I stood completely still and watched as she continued to make her way across the drive and into the edge of the woods.  She climbed up a small oak tree and disappeared into a nest.  I stood there and just smiled and began to think.  If I hadn't been here on this farm, in this moment, I would have missed this beautiful scene.  I felt bad for the momma squirrel because of all the logging all around us, but thankful she found a safe place for the baby.  I also remembered learning if a squirrel baby is orphaned or abandoned other squirrel will hear it's cry and come to it's aid.  Was this here baby or had she saved a baby, a possible victim of the logging?  Had she helped another she did not even know?

That's when my heart started to melt.  I was reminded THAT'S why we do all that we are doing.  We have our farm to help ourselves and to hopefully help others. Is it always easy? No....sometimes it is very hard. During this past week I started to answer some of the questions I had earlier.

Why are we spending our time, money and effort planting and tending to an organic garden?

"Roma" tomatoes....organically grown

We spend our time, money and effort planting and growing our own, organic garden so we can provide for ourselves and hopefully share some of it's bounty with friends.

 Is it always easy? No.  Sometimes it can be hard and discouraging when you are battling pests, drought, squirrels, moles, etc., watering everyday when the rain doesn't come, and praying the plants in the greenhouse make it.
 

Squash bug eggs....NOT beneficial insects!

 Would I rather not be planting, growing and harvesting from our own organic garden? No, I LOVE to garden!  I believe my grandparents and parents helped instill the gardening bug in me and I am grateful for the knowledge and passion. I love knowing that we are growing without chemicals or pesticides and we are helping the ecosystem become stronger by providing beneficial insects, predators and plants. I love being able to go right outside my front door and pick produce and herbs to bring inside to make healthy, organic meals for my family. I enjoy learning about new varieties and sharing seeds with others.  I hope that I can share this passion, along with a little knowledge, to others.

One of the good guys!  We love our pollinators and do not use chemicals on our gardens to help protect them.

Why are we raising chickens and guineas?

First, we are raising chickens and guineas for the eggs. Eggs for us to eat, eggs to sell for others to eat, eggs to hatch babies and hatching eggs to sell to others.  They are a great source on entertainment and I love sharing information and ideas with others about our flock.

A Golden Laced Wyandotte Chick

A Buff Dundotte Guinea Keet

 Is it always easy? No.  Sometimes we end up with a sick or injured bird, which means time and money to make sure the bird is healed. Sometimes, during hatching season, it gets overwhelming with all the extra babies to tend to, the incubators to keep watch over,bad hatches, power failures, and the picture taking and posting to sell the babies.

"Rudy" our main rooster....soaking his foot.....15 minutes a day, everyday, injections for the infection, and bandages changed twice a day.  He is recovering nicely from a case of bumble foot. Hope to have him back with the flock in the next week.

Would I rather not be raising our own chickens and guineas? No, I love my poultry!  There is nothing like seeing that new chick or keet emerge from that egg, seeing the children's faces light up when they come to pick our "their chicks", or getting a snuggle from a healed bird who knows you have helped them.  Once again I am grateful for the farm critter bug my grandparents and parents instilled in me.  I grew up with farm animals and I love taking care of them.  I love teaching others about their care and learning from fellow farmers as well.

 Why do we have pet turkeys?

Well, we were supposed to have turkeys that we were going to breed and sell poults, but due to misinformation, we have Broadbreasted Bronze Hens and a poor gimpy, rescued, Standard Bronze Tom who we cannot breed so we have pet turkeys. Turkeys who eat A LOT, poop A LOT and we have one turkey hen that is determined I am I am her arch enemy and I must be annihilated.

Is it always easy? No.  Sometimes I really miss the fact that we cannot hatch out poults. When "Tommy" was still alive, our massive 63+ pound Broadbreasted Bronze Sweetheart of a Tom, he was so large he was unable to breed.  Artificial insemination was the only option and we really didn't want to breed Broadbreasted turkeys.  We had to let our "Tommy" go at 19 months of age because the broadbreasted breed are made for meat birds to be butchered at 7-8 months of age and at 19 month "Tommy" was so large his legs began to break down.  It was a very difficult day when we had to say goodbye to our big, sweet boy.  "Timmy" our new, little rescue tries to mate with the girls, but even if we did find that we had fertile eggs we would not want to hatch them. You see, when you cross a Broadbreasted with a Standard the hens would be the Standard size, which would be good, but the Tom's would be big ole' Tommy's size.  We just aren't interested in breeding unless we have a pure bred so we have pet turkeys.

Our sweet, beautiful, beloved "Tommy" I miss this big boy everyday.

 Would I rather not have our pet turkeys? No, I LOVE my turkeys...well at least the two who don't try to eat me! They are the sweetest, most curious birds and they provide us with so much laughter and entertainment.  We couldn't have asked for a better starter trio than "Tommy" and his girls "Baby Girl and Diva".  There will never be another "Tommy", but we are glad we were able to rescue little "Timmy" and give him a good forever home. I have learned a lot about turkeys by having these big birds and I think we will always have some turkeys here on the farm. We hope to have a Heritage breed when these birds have gone on to greener pastures, until then we will enjoy our big, feathered babies.

Why do we have "pet"  rescued, rehabbed and released wild geese and ducks?

Simply because we are animal lovers and we had the opportunity to help some wonderful people at Izzie's Pond. They are so beautiful and it is so relaxing to just go sit on the swing by the pond and just watch them.  They each have their own personality and you can tell who is who.

Is it always easy? No. Sometimes, when even more wild geese and ducks fly in, the feed bill can get quite expensive.  Sometimes we find that one of the geese or ducks has an injury, usually from a predator, and we have to catch and treat them....remember they are still wild animals! Sometimes I worry about them when they fly off and do not return. I know this is the ultimate goal for them to be free and live as they were meant to be, but I still worry about them since they were in our care.

"Duckie Dude" rehabbing after a SECOND predator attack in two years.  He is all well and back on the pond now.

Would I rather not have "our" pet geese and ducks? No, I LOVE "our" geese and ducks!  Just taking my morning coffee to the swing and getting to spend time with them is so relaxing and when one of our previous years releases come back "home" for a meal and a visit it just makes it all worth while.

"Cypress" nibbling on Scott's ear!

"Angel" letting me know... "There is still food in here!!"

Why do I stay home most everyday and work here on the farm?

It's is my job!  I am blessed to have a husband, best friend and partner who truly values a homemaker, aka Household Technician or Domestic Engineer.  <SMILE> Someone who takes care of the home:  providing nutritious, homemade meals, taking care of the daily duties of the household - laundry, cleaning, etc,  In addition to being a homemaker I am also the "Farm Operations Manager" and I tend to the daily running of the farm: feeding, watering, and medicating the animals, and tending to the gardens and greenhouse as well. I am hoping that I can soon be back on the mower and mowing the field and grass as well. I am also blessed to have the opportunity to work off the farm a little as well as the secretary/treasurer for our volunteer fire department and I also help out some older friends with housework and odd jobs from time to time.

Canning green beans - home grown, home canned

Tools of my trade

Is it always easy? No.  Sometimes I would LOVE to call in sick or take a personal day, but that's not possible.  The animals still need cared for, the house needs tending to, and the gardens and greenhouse need watered on a daily basis. I am blessed that my farmer man tends to all the chores on Sunday morning so I can have time to get ready for church. That little bit of a break really helps. Do I miss working at the veterinary clinic? Yes sometimes I miss the newness of everyday and the people and their beloved pets.

Would I rather not be staying at home and working on the farm? HECK No!  I am a home body, I LOVE being at home. I love being able to provide a clean (most of the time), organized, happy home for my hard working man to come home to right along with a home cooked meal (unless it is his turn to cook aka going out to dinner!).  I love having friends and family over for a homegrown, home cooked meal and fellowship. I love having the time to work in the gardens and see the harvest we have grown.  I love putting up those fruits and veggies we have grown or were fortunate enough to be gifted. I love having the time to be creative and make things for others and to sell on The Old Five Notch Farm Etsy shop.  I love knowing I can get an afternoon away to visit with friends and neighbors and share knowledge and learn from each other. I am grateful for the experience of working as a veterinary technician as it has been very valuable caring for our farm animals.  I LOVE the fact that my farmer man fully appreciates all that I do here on the farm and also know the only way I "get a day off" is to take some time away from the farm.
 

Oven Roasted Tomatoes...home grown, all organic, with fresh herbs, best sauce ever!

Fall garden seeds starting to sprout!

So why all of this work...for what?

BECAUSE I LOVE IT!  Well....most days.  Sometimes it does get overwhelming, sometimes you get tired and you need a break.  I guess that's what this post is really about....doing what you love and loving what you do.  That doesn't mean you don't need a break from time to time, heck, we all need a break from whatever job you do. Sometimes you need a break to take some time to step back and really appreciate what you DO have.

I am so grateful that I have a farmer man who has the same goals and dreams that I have, someone who I really enjoy working along side, someone who truly appreciates all the work I do as much as I appreciate all he does for me and our farm, someone who truly loves me...warts, mood swings, bad hair days and all.  I am truly blessed!

The "icing on the cake" for me last week was the return of one of our favorite rehabbed and released geese "Toes". Now I know most people won't understand, but "Toes'" return could not have come at a a better time.  It was just the boost I needed to refocus on just why in the heck ARE we doing all of this.  Once I realized that, in the mix of 29 visiting geese and our 7 remaining released this year, was our beloved "Toes" I literally sat down in the middle of the field and cried as I called "Toes" by his name and this beautiful creature walked right up within touching distance of me. "Toes" recognized me and he even brought his girlfriend "home" to me.  I sat there tears running down my face surrounded by 36 beautiful, healthy, free Canada geese....THIS is why we are doing this.....this.

"Toes" <3

I started this week refreshed and renewed with new ideas, new energy and new gratefulness for just how blessed I am to be here on this farm.  I am planning a get away soon, just to be sure to get some time to relax away from the farm, but for now I'm good....I'm really good. I pray that whatever your job is that you take some time to really appreciate what you have and what a blessing you can be through your job.  Take some time off and really focus on all your blessings.  A grateful heart is a happy heart.

I'm off now to go soak "Rudy's" foot once again...feeling grateful for the opportunity to help this beautiful boy heal.  Thank you Lord, for all that you have provided and forgive me for not keeping my eyes open for the many blessings.....I'm working on that.